| Sunday, July 30th, 2006 |
| 12:23 am |
Venting!
so i'm at a 21st! and this guy whom i've never met before starts to mock me after i said:
"I love your jacket" to a close friend of mine
[her jacket was this awesome Italian style jacket, it's ingenious...an upside down jacket...looked hot!!!]
anyway...he clearly mocked me over and over again to his girlfriend and i was kinda getting angry and rather upset that i couldn't stay...i didn't say anything cause i didn't want to make a scene and draw the attention away from the birthday girl and spoil her party and all...
So i just said hey i'll catch you for a coffee sometime next week and i have work tomorrow and left, knowing full well i had no way home except to walk a half hour track to the train stop after having worked 8 hours today...
I suppose i did the right thing, but why do i feel so shitty???
And so gutless for not standing up for myself...
Worst thing i can't tell anyone about it cause they'll just think i'm making such a big deal of nothing......not my mum, dad, my friends who i was with tonight
It's the worst feeling!!!!!!!! thinking you're all alone....i know i'm not but still!!!!!!
meah goodnight!
I'm going to go make some pasta for tomorrow's lunch before sleep!!!!!!
|
| Saturday, July 22nd, 2006 |
| 1:34 pm |
At work once again... How is everyone????? hope everyone's happy and well and all that... Wondering why i constantly put my heart on my sleave and keep getting myself hurt... At 20 years of age you'd think that i'd know something about relationships but it seems not the case... I think from now i'm just going to try and focus on my music... Started to write up my first Symphony...a whole 2 bars hehehe! It's a start... We'll have to see where my life leads me.... Have you ever felt like there's something always constantly missing in your life though??? i dunno I may be thinking too much about everything...maybe i'm just being selfish...meah!!!! Ciao for now Jeff |
| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006 |
| 9:53 pm |
grrrrrr!!!!! I hate how much weight i put on when i'm sick :S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 7:01 pm |
ahh well back at uni!!!! gotta love it!!! My uni timetable is totally screwed!!! mostly like one subject per day type timetable which really sux!!! but considering i only have 6 weeks of it (the other 6 weeks being prac teaching at my school) i suppose i can handle it!!!! Bummers: 1) I have been told today that i cannot hold a public recital at the end of fourth year :( :( :( :( :( really upset!!!! But i got a recital going at the end of each semester, so i suppose if i invite the ppl that matter to that one at least my friends, family and possible other loved ones, will be able to see how i play and what i've been working on in the practice tombs!! 2) Well this one was the worst and did soooooooooo much damage to my self-esteem out of all my bad experiences with boys!!! Really lovely boy (personality and looks wise almost perfect to me kinda boy anyway) did a no show on me and well i got a call from him that afternoon of him appologising that he struck out on a pill (first time taking)...but yeah still, made me realise that he doesn't like me that way!!! anyway another blow to my head relationship wise...i've decided that i'm going to stay single for the rest of my life, at least that way i won't have to deal with painful knock-backs all the time!!!! On the other hand: 1) 5 Distinctions and 2 credits in last semesters subjects woohoo!!!!! 2) I'm gonna be seeing my friend in a live production of RENT in August!!! hazzah!!! Anyone who wants to see an amateur production with WAAPA graduates playing major roles....log on to ticketmaster.com.au!!!! but hurry tickets are going out fast!!!!!!
3) My friend Anita returned from her trip to Spain and Italy!!! and i saw her photos with the other guys who are in the Sydney Youth Orchestra (SYO) which was awesome.....400 bloody photos!!!! and beautiful architecture!!!! and beaches......and naked women sunbaking.....nice supple breasts!!! mmmmmmmm hahahahahahahaha!!! yuck!!!!
Anyway that is all for now
ciao everyone
Happy return to Uni!!!!!!!!! |
| Saturday, July 1st, 2006 |
| 10:41 pm |
my supposed updates...
It's weird how in Phys ed. they tell you that life's roller coaster never ends but always continues... In the Erickson theory of development, also pretty much the same statement is made... And now after all that, i believe them... There's ups and downs, but how do you go about making yourself independent without pushing away those who you love???? They want to be there for you but, you (as a humanly reaction to it all) put up your defenses and very much so say i'm sure i can handle this on my own... Perhaps i'm just weak, perhaps i'm co-dependent...actually i lie...i know i'm co-dependent, independent but co-dependent, either on friends or relationship partners! I wish to have a partner, but does it make sense for me to put it off to pursue my own wants in my career and self-development like travelling to put my own wants of someone to hold intimately??? I don't know...i seem to want to think that love will come my way but after having not had a partner in almost 3 years going now, it just seems so vague and rather hopeless in thinking that i'll ever find anyone!!! I had an awesome year last year with everything going smoothly (besides the relationship side - bingo zero) but now this year, i just seem to constantly go into a rut, come back up and down into a rut again and i'm supposedly meant to be more mature, which i think i am, but when it comes to relationships i have NO CLUE! It's rather sad and frustrating...on my behalf anyway!!! anyway i'm off to sleep i think i have to work tomorrow I have plenty of friends whom i'm ALWAYS greatful but it'd be nice from time to time to know that someone does find you attractive...and partner material! It can be such a lonely world at times i think!!! advice? |
| Thursday, June 22nd, 2006 |
| 9:24 am |
How strange and wonderful!
I know it's only half way there but this year has gone past so fast...and i realised that i'm in my 21st year on earth. It's overwhelming if you think about it like that...and there's still soo many things i wanna do with my life!! 1) I want to finish my degree... 2) Teach in England for two years 3) Go travelling around Europe 4) Study at WAAPA 5) Go to Russia; St. Petersburg and the Moscow Conservatory where famous Russian composers and performers like Rachmaninov, Tchaikovsky, Rimsky-Korsakov and the list goes on have studied... 6) Be in a production of RENT and FAME...of all musicals they are my favourites hehehe!!! 7) Teach music 8) Compose my first symphony... and the list goes on!! My friends are all travelling across the boarders with their ensembles, like my best friend ever at the CON Anita is travelling to Spain with SYO (Sydney Youth Orchestra) and my friend Nicole has got a job in NZ working on the slopes for these holidays! man i wanna be on the slopes!!!! Makes me wanna hurry up and finish my degree so i can start on my ambitions... You know what...life is great as long as you make something of it... I'm glad my friends are moving and experiencing awesome things...so they don't sit back later and regret what they missed out on!! As for me...well let's just see where life takes us!!!! In the meantime i'll be somewhere celebrating end of semester...YAY!!!!!! Happy holidays everyone!!! Jeff Current Mood:  sickCurrent Music: blank |
| Friday, May 26th, 2006 |
| 10:18 pm |
EH EH EHHHH
TRANSMISSION TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOPPPPP |
| Thursday, May 18th, 2006 |
| 12:54 pm |
A few news...
1) I have recently discovered a feel good song called "Here's Where I Stand" from a film called CAMP which i've actually never seen before but apparently according to my friend Charlotte i should be ashamed of calling myself gay untill i see the film...but according to many ppl it's apparently a shit movie anyway!!! 2) I have too many assessments for uni...but it is looking all good!!! Does anyone know any popular music artist cause i have to interview one and i hardly know any popular musicians?? can be amateur musicians... 3) I have too many concerts coming up...i'm gonna die!!!! 4) Anyone teach dancing of the hip hop/jazz and want to teach at an established school in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney?? I have a position offer for you for a friend of mine...let me know!!!! 5) I'm too tired... Current Mood:  exhaustedCurrent Music: Here's Where I Stand - CAMP |
| Thursday, May 4th, 2006 |
| 8:49 pm |
EH EH EHHHH
Alright if ppl wanna see me perform at the piano here are some dates and what i'll be playing: When: Wednesday 31st May 9am Where: Sydney Conservatorium of Music, East Recital Hall Repertoire: Rachmaninoff, Moments Musicaux No. 4 When: Friday 26th May 6pm Saturday 27th May 4pm Where: Sydney Conservatorium of Music, Verbrugghen Hall Repertoire: Haydn, The Creation When: Thursday 8th June, 7:30pm Where: Sydney Conservatorium of Music, Music Workshop Repertoire: Milhaud, Scaramouche (all three movements) with piano Duet partner Zi-Hao Lee Hope to see you guys there Jeff |
| Tuesday, April 25th, 2006 |
| 4:59 am |
I thought i'd do a little update before i'm off to the gym!! My life has certainly been a roller coaster of emotions these few couple of months with falling for people and then getting my heart broken, too many people rejecting me and well my self-esteem is falling like the leaves off a tree in Autumn...it seems the only people who are attracted to me are the fag hags and the lesbians!! They say that life's lessons never end and your state of self-identity is forever changing..and/or perhaps i'm having a near "I'm turning 21 soon" life crisis hahahhaha as silly as that may sound!!!! I'm over the whole gay scene and its pretentious pretty boys who go out to pick up... I suppose you could say i'm jealous of those cute looking boys but i'm not in that i don't potentially pick up every cute looking boy i see and have sex with them and be done with them either...i think i may have grown up too quick!! But one thing i have learnt, and quite late might i say, is that i give relationships time to build. But i still do hate the dating game of playing hard to get and all that.. I've went to Melbourne a couple of weeks back and it was fantastic... I went and stayed at a friend's house and well we got drunk a hell of a lot!!! Uni's going great and friends are al good things...it's just my state of mind that is screwing me up a many times and i hope this state of mind fucks off soon cause it's really doign my head in!!! |
| Saturday, April 15th, 2006 |
| 10:53 pm |
a frightful worry...
I've met this boy recently... and well we're getting to know each other better to see if we're fit for each other i suppose...i haven't had anyone show this much interest in me for a long two years and i dunno, i guess...well i really can't remember feeling this way since that last time!!! but i don't exactly know what to do. I forget how screwed up the dating game is...having to play hard to get for a long period of time before revealing how you feel, what if you feel connection with this person not straight away but after meeting them for three hour coffee sessions etc. i dunno...i suppose i like this guy but at the same time wondering if i'm ready for a leap of becoming a boyfriend again! But i dunno...what do i do??? ugh...i hate games!!! |
| Saturday, April 1st, 2006 |
| 12:10 pm |
Lou...don't go!!!!!
It wasn't until the other day that i realised how great a group of friends i had at the CON and even outside with work mates and everyone else... My great friend Liz and i were chatting along and we were talking about relationships and i asked how she's going with the new boy and she replied "oh we broke up!!" to which i replied, "i'm so sorry to hear that babez, are you going to be okay?" to which she replied "no don't be sorry i'm totally okay!!" to which i asked "wasn't things planning out for you as you first expected with this fella?" and she said the sweetest thing i've ever heard yet in my life... "I broke up with him because he was an absolute homophobic asshole and i love you and you mean more to me then he does" i started crying!!!! Followed by drinking... There was free CON drinks that night!!! Friends are absolute gems and a half!!!!!!! Current Mood:  happy |
| Wednesday, March 15th, 2006 |
| 10:46 pm |
Update for Jeff
My life is weird...it's not bad, just weird!! I think i'm weird, if i met me i'd probably think to myself "nice enough guy, but what a freak" I think the hours in the practice room playing the piano has done my social skills in!! deary me... The first thing i'm going to do when i get out of the music facility is go and learn how to do the things i want to pick up as a hobbie like snowboarding, firetwirling (need to learn more tricks grrrr), read books and travel! I love my piano but it's getting to the stage where i'm useless at conversations unless i'm talking about music and that is rather sad!! oh and uni politics but let's not go there only because i get so worked up over it whenever i get an email from the stupid USU board or the SRC of the main campus saying this and that about main campus...and then never replying to my emails of concern or rather repressed anger!! My love life is just going down the drain as per usual...having said that i have too many friends (a very good thing) i have no w/e where i'm just sitting at home doing nothing, a good thing but a bad thing for my pocket!! but man i cannot wait to go snowboarding again....BAH!!!! and firetwirling at Byron Bay...i think that will be my summer activity for next summer!!!!! a---yy---eeeee-----ssssss!!!! La Vie Bohem! Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: String Octet Op. 20 - Felix Mendelssohn |
| Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 |
| 9:15 am |
How do you document real life when real life's getting more like Fiction each day? |
| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 |
| 4:21 pm |
call me sad...but i do sometimes love a good game of solitare hahaha or freecell either way!!!!!! |
| Monday, February 20th, 2006 |
| 1:15 pm |
BOOYAH!!!!! RENT IS COMING OUT IN THE CINEMAS NEXT WEEK!!!!! Five Hundred Twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes...how do you measure, measure a year!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! I hope the new Mimi is good...apparently its that chick who played the prostitute in Sin City, interesting character choices!!!!!!!!!!! BUT RENT.....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! |
| Thursday, February 16th, 2006 |
| 9:43 pm |
| You Should Date An Italian! | 
You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy
An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming
If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him
Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta! |
|
| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 |
| 3:03 pm |
bah...there goes another $496!!! FUCK UNI FEES!!!! BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
| Monday, February 6th, 2006 |
| 9:44 pm |
ugh..
I just picked up my firetwirling stick for the first time in a year... I need someone to teach some more tricks, and hahaha i'm so rusty!!! Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Ben Lee - Catch my disease |
| Saturday, February 4th, 2006 |
| 11:55 am |
a-ye-e-e-e-ssss!!!!
I went out with my work mates last night and explored the advantages of dancing at straight bars where hardly anybody dances!!!!!! twas great!!! there was this one gentleman who mind you wasn't too bad looking but then again i was pretty shit faced so it could have been the alcohol looking rather then myself! anyway...i was rather pimpy last night hanging out with oh let see 5 girls hanging around me hahahaha!! Anyway dancing and skanking to music at Abecrombe hotel on Broadway...it was rather a refreshing change to the top 40 i usually hear at Stoners and what not...i love alternative and rock and what not music anyway!! but yeah one straight guy randomly came up to me and says "Hey you are a sick cunt" and i was like "why thank you but i don't think i have a cunt!" and then he proceeded to say..."you are cool and your girlfriend next to you is cool" to which my friend and i started to laugh and giggle at hahaha!! at that point i think he realised i was gay, but still he gave me a whole jug of Carlton Draught for me to drink...i was like "OKAY...cool, so you're not half bad either" i said and then we proceeded to go on our way whilst the bouncers looked at us VERY carefully!!! then my friend Jess and i decided to meet her boyfriend at Pymont Bridge Hotel just across from my work...and well he works at Glue in Pitt street as well so i know him pretty well! but yeah trashy trashy trashy etc. get drunk...have trouble walking across the pyrmont bridge after that and it became rather cold last night i thought...even after all that consumption of alcoholic beverages...bahhhhhhhh!!!!! Anyway i believe i'm going out again to Kinselas tonight...anyone keen on meeting myself and my friends in Oxford Street please don't hesitate, the more the merrier!!! *sigh Current Mood: hung over |
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